they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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