last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
