is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
