If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
