So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
