"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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