Me. At least after what I've been through.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
