I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
