okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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