Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
