It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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