Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
