im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
