Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
