So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
