my mouth tastes like poor choices
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
