I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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