spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The Olympian is in my bed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
