Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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