I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
