Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
