Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
