i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
