All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
