that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
