He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
