Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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