Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
