somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
