Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it glows. i had to have it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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