That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
