im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
