I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
