I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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