Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
