how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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