Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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