Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
