Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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