Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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