my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
