evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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