yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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