just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
