I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
