So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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