dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
where does the pee come out of this thing
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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