Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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