I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
