just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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