my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
