when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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