if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She is in my trunk
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
