It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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